Although we were preparing for our deaths the matter of sexual intimacy was looming. We felt that our children would be shocked but they were grown.  They had to live their lives and so did we.  He insisted that before we went to bed together it had to be mutual.  I knew that Gerhardt was cognizant of what he called “the feminine principle.”  He talked about goddesses being worshiped long before the patriarchal gods.  He made me aware that the feminine principle was in sync with the moon, the tides and the earth moving through the heavens.

His love for the feminine principle also expressed itself in practical ways.  The amount of time and energy he put into new clothes for me, whether I needed new panties, bas, slacks or blouses, he roamed the aisles picking whatever caught his eye and holding it up for my inspection.  He was fearless and unashamed.

There was one store in particular, Draper’s & Damon’s, he particularly liked. I had never seen such a store.  It was devoted to women’s clothes, discreetly older women’s clothes.  It was sort of the older women’s answer to Victoria’s Secret.  This store was unique.  We had to go a long way to get to it.  It was in a fairly high-priced mall.  Gerhardt loved to go to there.  He even took an interest in their catalogue when it came in the mail.  He would ask me to look through and see if there was something I might like.  If I found something he would call Draper’s & Damon’s and ask them to get it in the store in the right size for me.

I must confess that although Gerhardt believed in the possibility of communion between the living and dead I did not.  However, I did have a devoted belief in synchronicity.  Consequently, coming home after the emotional turmoil of escaping from a menacing man and having to ask strangers to call a taxi to take me home, seeing a business card on my floor I picked it up.  There it was, the only store where I had never gone without Gerhardt.  I have lived here for 12 years.  I have never seen a business card in the corridor before or since.

The elevator is in the middle of the hall so I had to turn right into the east wing.  If the card had fallen on the floor of the west wing I would not have seen it. We have 11 floors of apartments. So the chance of my seeing that card when approaching my apartment is actually one out of 22.  Therefore, 22 times 12 years times 365 days in a year equals 9,504 well beyond chance   Then add that to other close call I had going to the Farmer’s Market and my friend rolling his eyes in disbelief saying “Gerhardt is with me!”, fits perfectly with both communications after I had a close call.  I am forced to believe that Gerhardt was with me even though he died years ago.